Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on December 24, 2012: Don't make a big deal about their engagement. I pointed out that she will get you to pay for both of her kids and any she has for you. I said u better be honest to me, and he was firm that he said no! I have a son, only child, he just turned 18 and just graduated from high school. Now this woman is expecting us to resolve her issues. Get off to a good start by striking up friendly conversation and demonstrating your genuine desire to know her better. He graduated debt free, gave him a car and paid for expenses that related to his career. OK mamas, admit it: no one is good enough for your son. Kids. So I said, okay.. My son has a three year toddler who is in speech therapy because of delays in his development resulting from his neglectful mother. It's no longer about what you want for him or what you think is best for him. Please remember to keep everything positive and loving or your mother will accuse your new wife as the bringing of bad feelings or coming between mother and son. also, this girl has done some things that have been very disturbing as well, that would scare any mother. Say nothing critical or they will resent you. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on July 27, 2010: Hi Laila, there is so much to know before I can really help. Cus he loves her duhhh!! However, it would be a tragedy to hang on and settle for a so-so relationship only to run into the love of your life later on when you're committed to this dissatisfying one. Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? In otherwise healthy, mature people, the thrill of life comes from love, discovery, learning or adrenaline-inducing experiences. Your life, your choice. Because it seems odd that you don't mind if she calls your father a motherf*##* or yells at me. My issue is that she comes over to our house at least 3 days a week, but Then she became extremely hateful cussing my fiance and making threats to bust him in the mouth. I mean, I . "Do you think she'll make a good mother to your children?" And that will drive them both away. She did not clean unless told (I say told because she never offered) and she did not cook (she said no one taught her) and so I tried. This is not a matter of "getting along" with his girlfriend. Fast forward 4 years.he is dating her again and considering moving in with herughhh! But it is your house so you can draw some lines: She can't sleep over. You have had decades with him while she has had only a year or so. does not see any of these issues we are having with her, Love is blind I know. When the opportunity arose, we did mention that it might be a good idea to look into their future together to see what type of mother and wife she would make because he would have to fill in for any of her deficits there. I never forgot the first day Scarlet walked into the hotel room, she had earring coming of our her mouth, nose, and tattoos all over her back. Just be matter-of-fact instead of angry or accusatory. This is his first true long term sexual relationship at 19 years, so obviously this is having an affect on him. What occurred next is when I saw my son next I pointed out the stains and explained what I had to do. Your sweet, humble wife will not be threatened by it and your mother's insecure ego will be soothed. I didn't want the idea of that girl always around my son she follows him everywhere! I said okay, but changed his mind and said, give me $30 instead because I want to treat "the girl" with me! Therefore, she is the one with the greatest leverage to make something happen. Unfortunately, that was the beginning of his down fall. NOW HE IS VERY ARROGANT AND DISRESPECTFUL. She offers something that he wants on a physical, emotional or psychological level. Be sure that whatever you say is not your opinion but stick to facts. I do not think disinviting her from holiday/family events is the answer. Once my son hit high school, my once sweet boy began having sex, smoking pot, and drinking. When she constantly ridicules and criticizes your son or his family. She smokes like a chimney. We do try and invite them all the time, but there is always an excuse as to why he can't make it. Moving on, as my son got the career opportunity, Scarlet came every week and they lived on the phone 24/7 because she cheated on him twice and he could not trust her. Only his. I have been asking my son long before this day if he has girlfriend or if he likes someone so I would meet her to know more about her. The signs might be clear, but most parents cant help but wonder why their kid is willingly dating a toxic partner. Ouch. And in our case, my son wouldn't go to counseling so we had to provide a little for him through our our heartfelt communication. He/her is guessing. However, the reality is that my relationship with my son has changed and I can't really see any improvement as long as he is with this woman. You might not like his decision. As his parents, you have to let him ride this one out to see which way it goes. They are OPPORTUNISTS. She has to have the desire to fix herself. Explaining what abuse, assault, and rape really are can be confusing, but it is important for his life and the lives of the girls he meets. Then, you can continue to express the positives that your girlfriend adds to your life. We helped him buy his first flat, his family all chipped in to help, he had a good job, then things changed again when he met a new girl, she has a child and is a few years older again like the last. His driving has changed since he smokes he drives more irrationally now, was a great calm driver till he started smoking. How would you feel if your own son's girlfriend called you names? We expressed that it wasn't that we didn't like this girl as a person and that we understood that everyone is "broken" in some wayand some people are worth fixingand that everyone deserves to be lovedbut this woman needs to fit into his life, his lifestyle, which includes his family. My son began dating this girl when he was 17. She holds his celphone, or bag pack and they always sit together. Scarlet announced to my son that she was going to get her kids and bring them to live with them and she can't/won't pay anything. I was sick. The rebel. But once you say this, don't harp on it or bring it up continually. Well, as a mother, I keep holding on to the trust that we have to each other. His Dad advised him that telling Mom doesnt necessarily mean acceptance from Mom on the relationship.I am really struggling with how to handle this! She is constantly saying she and her baby are sick, so my son brought some things to me to laundry since he was working extended hours after finding that he himself didn't have clothing and that is when I discovered all the toddler and infant clothing covered with mold and mildew. He teacher shared that the girlfriend gets really impatient with him when she drops him off or picks him up and stated she has yet to meet my son, the father. Do not be that bump! Others may feel you are not looking for a job when you are looking for many and get disheartened. Two days later, the mom calls to ask me to go to lunch "since the kidss are going to be together". How to Choose the Right Toddler Girl Outdoor Coat? If he is okay with that, then that's fine but he needs to provide that roof over her head. losing a job is really hard and can get you down. So the more you attack her, the more he'll defend her. Building bridges takes time. It's that she's so bloody rude! "Her family might have been poor but this only gives her determination to help our family's finances." In fact, shower your mother with lots of love and attention when your new wife is around so she will associate your wife with good times and loving feelings from her son. I'm sorry to hear about your difficult situation. You don't have to start planning the wedding or be overly indulgent and supportive of the relationship but just warm, friendly and loving. "Mom, this girl makes me happy." My girlfriend and i we've been dating for 5 months now, I've been the kind of guy to take photos to preserve memories and all, but my girlfriend doesn't like her pictures taken by me. The McIlhenny family is . You may want to introduce an activity that keeps them occupied instead of spending time with the manipulative partner. They have been together for1 year. I was in the process of selling my house and relocating us. I know this is probably the lesson in it all. Be loving towards him. When she went to get the other child, her family would not let her take the older child. she has anxiety issues and panic attacks and these are exacerbated by any contact with me. Taking Action In Your Sons Unhealthy Relationship. Young lovers are blind to serious red flags in their relationships which is why mothers become so alarmed when they see what they perceive to be poor choices, but its important to refrain from being petty. We both enjoyed the same things and had so much to talk about, we became friends pretty quickly before that and it just kinda spiraled into us dating. My son is 16 and his girlfriend is 17. 3 Steps To Getting Teens On Board With Your Significant Other: 1. Is there anything you want to tell us? Editorial post:My Son Hates His Stepfather. Parents may see through their sons girlfriend, but there are other red flags keep an eye on. 210K views, 25K likes, 8.6K loves, 132K comments, 25K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Zion Prayer Movement Outreach: NIGHT OF OPEN HEAVEN (22ND APRIL,. A monkey with a banana ran up and grabbed one of my kitties, slung him under its arm and ran away. We have asked he try to have a few days apart from her solely for his own mental health,self time for hobbies and study. It really is as simple as that! If you were only good to them and they still treat you this way, I would sit them down for a talk to find out what they are thinking. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. My advice to you is to be non-confrontational about his relationship. But that's not an option anymore. She's four years older than me. But this article gave me too a different perspective. Asks them questions about how they feel about their situation. The key to this situation progressing is your girlfriend. lumberjack breakfast calories. They have been together for1 year. ParentalQuestions.com 2021 All rights reserved. Nice blog! She has always made up some excuse except when Christmas camethen she wanted to go to the big family Christmas gathering. However, if he can learn from patterns in life, he must understand that ultimately, he cannot fix her. I always tell him to be honest and don't lie to me if ever she likes someone else so I know whats going on with him. Anything I say or do is considered wrong and I no longer know how to behave . My son started treating me bad - I became the bad guy! And since I had not ever met her, she would reply to my son and my private conversations PUBLICLY on social media (repeatedly). She made physical threats and destroyed any hope of acceptance again. I understand your concerns. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on July 18, 2012: It's such a hard transition to go from boy/child/son to man, a sexual being. They're only driven by their biology and what feels good or what makes them feel "alive" which sadly, means drama. Ever since then she barely talks to me and barely greets me. This way, he can see you are not being mean or negative towards her in any way. He has no contact with his own young teen sister other that to be nasty & derogatory. He said it was his male friend who visited him but not the girl! What is it like there? Her family is unstable and made crazy comments to Scarlet and about us. That is no small thing and in fact, can still save him. My son is an adult. do oysters taste like fish. There is a social hierarchy with a code of acceptance or rejection. The passing of his father, my husband had impacted us both and I believed we were always going to be close. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. my sons girlfriend doesn t like me. And honestly, I didn't like the girl for my son! During this time I have tried to be as kind and helpful to my son and his new girlfriend. Here are some ideas to lighten the mood and make her feel welcome. This can be more difficult for the parent than it is for the child, but here are some ways to make it easier for everyone. My problem is a little different. Indeed, it must be very difficult for you to witness the neglect of your grandchild. I was really disapppointed that he lied to me! my ex comes as frequently to visit our grandson as he can. I haven't said anything cos I don't want to hurt my son and put him in the middle of something that he is not responsible for. Do you still talk to your son and express that his family loves and misses him? There is so much more to this, but all I can tell you is that I think he has truly been brainwashed! Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on August 19, 2012: Hello, Dave. Sincerely warm and pleasant. I feel for you because sometimes it isn't our fault at all but what is going on in their own heads. Now he is staying gone and won't have anything to do with me. Any advice for us.his siblings miss him terribly, and so do his father and I! It was his first girlfriend. Contact: 0208 296 9620 Her views on sensitive or controversial topics such as religion or politics. Also, she was told that when my son leaves for work in the mornings, she must leave at the same time. The easiest way to break tension is to share a laugh. A year ago he started dating this girl, at first I really liked her, she tried to be a mediator between my son and I and she was helpful and always got him home when I wanted him home That didn't last long. If you were hurt, she will be slow to warm up to another woman in your love life. Non-judgmental. But if your son continues to hang out with their daughter, come and go as he pleases without responsibilities, believe me, her parents will change their attitude towards him sooner or later. And you and your husband will always be there for him no matter what. He has began college on a full scholarship but lives at home. Luckily she moved in with a mutual friend and the younger child. Divorces and break-ups happen all the time. Send out lots of love to him. The demands are never for us except when his dad needed help lifting things for the house move. I panicked and began to shout which only sent them both farther away. Things continued to worsen. 2,799. A parent lets go of her child at several stages of development, allowing the child to grow up and eventually become independent. The reality is that no matter what I did or you do, this girlfriend whoever she is, is there for a reason in your life. Use humor. Do you think that they might blame you for their father's leaving the family? But there is hope. She met him during his LAST semester of college and moved into his small dorm (apt) room in an apt that 3 other young men shared. But we keep working at it and we keep the lines of communication open. Sometimes, a young kid/man chooses only to see the good parts of a girl, totally ignoring the obvious red flags for a variety of reasons. The same with the girlfriend! Unfortunately, your deeply in love son may not yet be in a position to differentiate an. But if they do it after getting in a relationship, you should consider some stringent friendly actions that will limit their interactions with their new partner. Afterward, half shut." WOW! We don't see the spiritual powers at work, and this experience may be invaluable in building his character and life knowledge. We had a great few days together but she stayed well away, pretended she was working but our son looked unhappy so his father asked him if he was happy, his siblings have always had a solid relationship and they heard him on the phone to him, her tone was very sharp towards him. He has basically dumped his family. She's young and she'll go through a lot of changes just within the next few years alone. I don't know if you read about my dream but the best thing you can do is to remind your son always about your love for him and that is a love that will never end or change. A woman that does not cook for herself, will not cook for a man. If there is only one person he can trust in this world, it is his mother. But One day, my niece (she's my neighbor) was staying home. My son's girlf friend will sleep over in his room. The thing is that a young man must be getting something from his relationship with this girl. If things didn't go well, how do you get your parents to like your boyfriend? Send him to a guidance counsellor or psychiatrist if the relationship poses an immediate threat to your son. Being manipulated to the point where he cannot see friends without her & is changing his personality, kind and helpful but not allowed to help his family move house without her creating a huge amount of stress on him taking a night away. Stop thinking he doesn't like you and your son. I am a stepdad to an 18/19 yo son, and yes I do mean son, as that is how I see him, and not my stepson.

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