Every day we present the best quotes! His stand up routines have covered everything from politics and religion to relationships and the world around us. Oprah Winfrey. Considered as one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all time, his distinctive and provocative style of speeches, aimed at ridiculing the vices of the American society, redefined the genre and influenced a great number of comics. I felt better right away. War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. Fewer Texans. The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election. At least in the case of UFOs there have been countless taped and filmed and, by the way, unexplained sightings from all over the world, along with documented radar evidence seen by experienced military and civilian radar operators.>>. If youre born in America you get a front row seat.23.Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.24.I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. We know that everyone loves a great quote and our mission here is simple to be the best and most interesting quote site in the world! Thats the problem.19.We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.20.The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.21.Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me., 22.When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. Don't bother what anybody else has to say, you have changed my life and I will never forget that. I gravitated toward being a funny guy. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.35.By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.36.How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette?37.Religion is just mind control.38.Dont give your money to the church. That's the problem." "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." The planet is fine . Happy 65th Birthday! George Carlin. 500 matching entries found. Long live the king. Do you get on before you get on? "Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. Do you get on before you get on? I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. The challenge is to find it. August 26, 2013. This significance of this day is beyond just your birthday. Oh especially three. "The planet is fine. Afterward he met with 100 donors, not campaign donors, heart donors. I will never be able to forget the support that you have given me. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a 54 decision affirmed the government's power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves (wikipedia). Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. Create amazing picture quotes from George Carlin quotations. There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics. Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom. Happy 60th Birthday! Wishing you a lot of surprises and happiness on your 65th Birthday. There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. Next View All. We haven't tried that for a while. Documentary, Comedy, 1984. Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic f***** hatreds! I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. 3 x Carlin: An Orgy of George including Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, p.205, Hachette UK. Happy Birthday! Every day we present the best quotes! If I live to see your grandchildren, I'm going to tell them all the Birthday pranks we played on you every year. "George Carlin (1937-2008): Legendary Comedian Challenged Status Quo Throughout 50-Year Career". Probably far more. Happy Birthday. His life and work have become influential in a lot of aspects, leaving a legacy of laughs, wisdom and valuable lessons. 1. Mickey Mouse's birthday being announced on the television news as if it were an actual event! 65th Birthday Birthday Wishes Funny Birthday Friends Husband Advertising God Birthday Funny Catholic Humanity Driving Addiction Smile World Movies Reason Libraries Lies. It certainly qualifies. George had an interesting take on the things that he did. Happy Birthday to the most lovable and adorable star on this planet. Source: Brain Droppings. People are wonderful. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. 500 matching entries found. On Comedy: "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately." Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.". If honesty were suddenly introduced into American life, the whole system would collapse. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose it'll be much harder to detect. What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? It just becomes something more entertaining. CBS / Landov "Weather tonight: dark. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. There is a mistake in the text of this quote. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well. Happy Birthday, my sugar lumps! Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. ", Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky. Being considered as one of the top comedians of all time, George is well known for his black humor, political views, observations on language, psychology, and religion along with many other taboo subjects. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrheadoes that mean that 1 enjoys it? One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. George will always be remembered by his fans for the influence he has had on various angles of their lives. John Allison. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. Good. Happy 60th Birthday! Happy Birthday, my dearest sister. Thats the whole meaning of life: Not dying! Maybe this time it'll work. If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. Showing search results for "George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes" sorted by relevance. The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. There's no present. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 172 Copy quote. There is nothing wrong with the planet. People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. 1."Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Booth Tarkington. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. Turning partly light by morning." (as Al . TIME takes a look at some of the legendary comedian's most memorable lines . Happy 60th Birthday! The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. Every table had an argument going. The people are fucked.". Show more. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.". Don't forget to confirm subscription in your email. They should be more vivid. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. George Carlin Happy Birthday Quotes. Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. "Don't just teach your children to read. And he always had a knack for packaging bigideas into small digestible pieces of humor. To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for the existence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories. Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age. But did you ever notice that we have no war on homelessness? Discover George Carlin quotes about language. TIME takes a look at some of the legendary comedian's most memorable lines. I just love you too much. "Brain Droppings", Hyperion. I think people should be allowed to do what they want. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion, George Carlin (2004). Don't look for it. Born in New York in 1937, George Carlin was an American comic icon, actor, social critic, and author. "George Carlin: You Are All Diseased". In a career that spanned over 50 years, what remained constant was his opinionated nature and take no prisoners approach to comedy. ":"&")+"url="+encodeURIComponent(b)),f.setRequestHeader("Content-Type","application/x-www-form-urlencoded"),f.send(a))}}},s=function(){var b={},d=document.getElementsByTagName("IMG");if(0==d.length)return{};var a=d[0];if(! And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid, number 2 on Comedy Centrals 100 best comedians list, 25 Hilariously Honest Chelsea Handler Quotes, Beyonce Quotes: The Best Lyrics and Lines From Lemonade, Adele Quotes: The Best Lyrics and Lines from 19, 21 and 25, The Weeknd Quotes: The 25 Best Lines & Lyrics On Love. There are some secrets we keep because we can't bear to let them out and some because it's better to keep them in. Related Topics. Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Lets be honest: the man was whip smart and about as funny as you could get. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.". Carlin and his older brother, Pat, were primarily raised by their mother in Manhattan's Morningside Heights neighborhood. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain. Hope your year is better than those ears! Im just kidding. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. You will do things in the name of a group that you would never do on your own. The people are f**ked.58.If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.59.Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.60.I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' He loves you and he needs money., If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor., Soft rock music isnt rock, and it aint music. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. "Democracy Now!" with Amy Goodman, www.democracynow.org. Custom and user added quotes with pictures. This significance of this day is beyond just your birthday. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.56.I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify or belong to.57.The planet is fine. I hate groups of people. Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. May you have them both. We havent tried that for a while. What does it mean to pre-board? Ally Carter. 1.Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Teach them to question everything.15.We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. Like. Get curated quotes straight into your inbox before everyone else! "In America, anyone can become president. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. It's your birthday! Wishing you all the best in your 60th Birthday. 65th Birthday Birthday Wishes Funny Birthday Friends Husband Advertising God Birthday Funny Catholic Humanity Driving Addiction Smile World Movies Reason Libraries Lies. The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. On your birthday, I promise to keep all your secrets, to flood you with gifts and never to miss a chance to make you smile. His take on conventional comedy made him one of the most famous and widely remembered artists till date. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. George Carlin Birthday Quotes & Sayings . I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. You are not turning 60. It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? May you have a delicious and partylicious birthday! BrainyQuote has been providing inspirational quotes since 2001 to our worldwide community. George Carlin's Estate, via HBO. Despite selling out a Boston concert at $100 a seat just two days prior, his 45-minute set on 3.5 million dollar violin, only 6 passengers stopped to enjoy his music that day. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. His parents split up when he was an infant because his . George Carlin Birthday Quotes & Sayings . I just dont have as many people who believe it.43.The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. When shes not writing for Quotezine, she can be found excessively quoting The Simpsons or binge watching Netflix. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. Tony Abbott. It is a celebration of someone that is loved and greatly admired. A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. Thank you! I'm talking about the real owners now the real owners. He loves you. Carlin was always fearless and took pride in never running from conflict. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve . We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. I was looking in the mirror the other day and I realized I haven't changed much since I was in my twenties. Chris Rock. Get inspired by these Robin Williams Quotes. I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. Happy 60th Birthday! May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. I liked the radio comedians. It's never going to get any better. Selfish, Leader, Ignorant. The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. 31. At his wife's 60th birthday party in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, d..k Cheney had a huge steak and battered onion rings for dinner. What does it mean to pre-board? "People are wonderful one at a time. Try spelling Evian backward.10.Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups., 11.Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away.12.Think off-center.13.Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.14.Dont just teach your children to read. He would cover any issue no matter how contentious in a way that felt authentic and in line with his personal beliefs. If I cared about Mickey Mouse's birthday I would have memorized it years ago! When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong., Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?, The reason I talk to myself is that Im the only one whose answers I accept., When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. Live album by George Carlin, 1988. He's the subject of a new documentary. I don't give a shit! Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? This post is not only a celebration to everything he stood for, but a reminder that some of the most powerful messages we receive in life can come from the most unlikely places. May your birthday be as sweet as you are. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? And armbands. June 24, 2008. . Some are funny, some are insightful, but they're all packed with his typical brutal honesty. 1. "Carlin on Campus". Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. been here 4 1/2 billion years. There's a humorous side to every situation. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat., You know an odd feeling? Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. May you have a delicious and partylicious birthday! Below are the absolute best quotes we could find from this legendary comedians career. Custom and user added quotes with pictures. But he loves you. 500 matching entries found. He loves you and he needs money. 32. Deal with it.". George Carlin, Brain Droppings. Try spelling Evian backward. born on May 12, 1937, Hope you keep doing the same. 70 Wise Quotes From George Carlin George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. There's no present. Electricity is really just organized lightning. The only difference is I look a whole lot older now. Comedian "What Am I Doing in New Jersey?". "The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves.". Showing search results for "George Carlin On Birthdays" sorted by relevance. Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. At 68 I'm every age I ever was. Whats the matter with you? I will pray that you receive more than you have hoped for this birthday. And I'd send him a card, 'Dear Mickey, Happy Birthday, Love George'. No money to be made off of the homeless. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. 86 Copy quote. George Carlin. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? George Carlin Birthday Quotes & Sayings . Did you hear me? We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. Share with friends. Happy Birthday! One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. You have owners. Carlin is well-known for pivoting from a strait-laced, suit-and-tie approach to standup in the late 1960s and early . Show more. Showing search results for "George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes" sorted by relevance. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. Here you'll find all collections you've created before. I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. George Carlin was an outspoken comic, known for his brash sense of humor, foul language and controversial views on politics, religion and other sensitive subjects. Every passing year brings in an experience and a hope for tomorrow. 218 Copy quote. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established. 2013 likes. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. . A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it's not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. You know why? Documentary, Comedy, 2005. #1. Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. Best of Carlin On Weather. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. Im Alice Judy and AnQuotes is a fun hobby for me. Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password. "He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.". It was this attitude that earned him 14 HBO specials, 4 Grammys, number 2 on Comedy Centrals 100 best comedians list and a legion of fans around the world. You don't. Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. Home. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar., I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. //]]>, by Quotezine Team November 3, 2013, 10:53 pm. He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. I'm taking your birthday as an opportunity to thank you for all that you are to me. You must have a lot of stories to tell. Enjoy the best George Carlin Quotes at BrainyQuote. George Carlin. George Carlin. TV Special, www.imdb.com. By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion. It is time to party! The Kennedy Center posthumously awarded this year's Mark Twain Prize for American Humor to George Carlin. Michelle Quinteros is a pop culture and lifestyle writer with a fancy degree from McMaster University. We havent tried that for a while. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. Below are the absolute best quotes we could find from this legendary comedian's career. Famous Birthday Quote. They never mention that part to us, do they? 1999. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. Related Topics. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? HAPPY BIRTHDAY. He had an uncanny ability to cut through the clutter of everyday life, and for this, we want to honor this man with our favorite inspirational quotes from George Carlin. One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands. 500 matching entries found. Voltaire. Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar. Show more. Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. Funny, Sarcastic, Witty. Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. 125 George Carlin Quotes. Maybe this time it'll work. Our views are no different: the man was a legend. There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot. "If your kid needs a role model and you ain't it, you're both fucked.". When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, Hyperion. It will not be with jack-boots. We're coming for you! And whisper, 'The creature is regenerating itself.". The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity. We haven't tried that for a while. There's a humorous side to every situation. Happy Birthday, my sugar lumps! Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, This website or its third-party tools use cookies, which are necessary to its functioning and required to achieve the purposes illustrated in the cookie policy. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.40.Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.41.Religion is like a pair of shoes: Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes.42.I have as much authority as the Pope. Teach them to question what they read. One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

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