30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland from Scotland, 29 best Gavin and Stacey quotes and funniest jokes from James Corden and Ruth Jones comedy Deadpan comedian Jack . Another bumper collection of classic fun and games from one of BBC Radio 4's best-loved and most enduring comedy panel games. The 71st series of the multi-award-winning comedy panel game chaired by Jack Dee. This wasn't an act - he really couldn't have cared less. I wish theyd take my advice and run their trains on time with enough seats on them for all the poor bastards whove bought tickets from them., Dear Guinness Book of World Records: I have a collection of six Guinness Book of World Records. ", "Dear Mrs McCartney: My, what a terrible mess. Radio 4 broadcasters are discouraged from saying even the C-word, in case child listeners ask adults to spell the word out. It preserves the soul from desiccation. No radio show has aided that cause greater than Im Sorry I Havent A Clue, the much-loved panel show that Lyttelton (right) chaired until his death four years ago. She visits the old men down there every so often to get new material for the show, but it's a trifle unorganised down there. ", "This musical lament will be accompanied by Colin Selland music doesn't come more lamentable than that. I love it when you get four or five days of hot weather, because then people in Kent run out of water, dont they? Fegan also relays that the club has . Moment commuter blasts eco-zealots, Moment bull suffers catastrophic injuries after leaping from bridge, Russian freight train derails and bursts into flames after explosion, Royal superfans camping on The Mall ahead of King's Coronation, Historic chairs to be reused by the King for the coronation service, Women's rights activists and pro-trans campaigners separated, Saboteurs wreck Russian train cut power cables 37mi from Ukraine, Cambridge students party in the park during annual celebrations, Devastating tornado picks up car and hurls it through air in Florida, Student kicked out of school for 'there are only two genders' t-shirt, Unseen footage of Meghan Markle during her teenage years, Hundreds of Household Division members rehearse for coronation. There's also Barrow-in-Furness which involves burning garden implements, Sellafield, where the object is to try to flog off a plot of contaminated land, and of course we musn't forget Broadstairs, a game for people who are too fat to use the lift. She says she's got an expert handler coming round to give a demonstration. Chairman Humphrey Lyttelton ensuring that disorder prevails. He really should use a stronger denture fixative if he's going to blow that hard. But I think there was also a sense that, as Humph was saying this stuff, it couldnt possibly be as rude as it sounded because he was so respectable.. She says that she doesn't mind if they want to dicker about three times a week. I can tell by your face that stuff really does do exactly what it says on the tin. But it was the first three.. In November 2020, before the start of the latest series of the classic Radio 4 comedy panel show I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, long-time panellist Barry Cryer, who has died aged 86, talked Radio . They continue until the Chairman blows his horn. As the worldwide economic crisis marches on, the contestants offer a selection of low-budget remakes of famous films and television shows: Harry Potter And The Paul Daniels Magic Set. When Humphrey Lyttelton was alive, and I'd meet fans of Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue, and they discovered I wrote his scripts, the conversation would invariably go something like this: "It must be such a joy to work with Humph. ", "The area has become even more of a tourist attraction. 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley Across the 50 years, the series has only twice seemed close to ending. 41 of David Mitchells funniest jokes and quotes You can't see the other half, because some fool has put a 700 foot bicycle wheel in the way. 75 of Billy Connollys best jokes, one-liners and quips To order a copy for 15.99 (incl p&p) call 0843 382 0000. That went off very well. m. madrigal. I went to the pub quiz the other night first question was, What the f**k are you looking at?, Wish someone would contact me about all the other crap Ive been missold., People who are pro-smacking children say, Its the only language they understand. You could apply that to tourists., At this time of year, if your bin men knock on the door and give you a Christmas card, its traditional to tear it up and say What did you come here for? She says she doesn't mind looking up and seeing him hung like a baboon. Chairs - toast by the Queen. I think the Clue boys were quite pleased to have fresh people in Jan Ravens. Posted on May 31, 2014 by ablestmage. Quotations that certain celebrities would be most unlikely ever to say: Neil Kinnock To cut a long story short Jerry Springer Your private life is no concern of mine, David Attenborough No, pass me the BIG gun, John Humphrys No, no, please finish your point. Now, with Dee having replaced Lyttleton owing to a similar audible reluctance to be there in the chair the only threat to the show might be an increase in censorship, which could lead to Samantha and others being fingered by Radio 4 bosses. Barry and I worked together for 50 years on I'm Sorry I Havent A Clue, and our gleeful spin off You'll Have Had Your Tea with Hamish and Dougal. Graeme Garden, Humphrey Lyttelton, Barry Cryer and Tim Brooke-Taylor in 2001. And Barry Cryer, much to the relief of listeners, claims I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue won't be changed or supressed, and says the row over smutty jokes has died down. ", "Musical accompaniment at the piano will be provided by Colin Sell. English Various radio episodes of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue from 1999-2004 with extra special programmes including " Humph Biography " and " Humphrey Lyttleton Tribute " which remembered the chairman of the programme after his death. Here, concluding our. Tweet us @TeleTweetures with your thoughts. ", "Oh wait a minute, I've goofed. 30 of Romesh Ranganathans funniest jokes and quotes I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is the most listened to comedy programme on British radio.It regularly attracts an audience of 2.5 million listeners on Radio 4, a figure that would put it comfortably into the top ten programmes on BBC2 or Channel 4. mw963 Posts: 2,844. ", "Incidentally, pianist Colin Sell was once mistaken for a member of the Partridge Family it took him nearly three weeks to pick the lead shot out of his backside. Its an approach that has captured in the shows single most celebrated one-liner. 26 of Sara Pascoes funniest jokes and quotes 25 of Charlie Brookers most cutting jokes and insults 45 of Ricky Gervais funniest jokes ", "Actually, it's been said that one has more chance of being struck by lightning than meeting a piano player like Colin Sell which is why we all spent most of last week standing out in the rain holding metal rods. Another bumper collection of classic fun and games from the award-winning BBC Radio 4 comedy show. They're going on a driving tour of Wales. ", "Samantha tells me she has to nip out to help an old man next door who has trouble using his stairlift. The keeper said if he caught Colin throwing them at the ducks again, he'd call the police. ", "Samantha has to nip out now as she's got a new job working in the sound archive as the manager. ", "Samantha has to nip out now as she is meeting her new zookeeper gentleman friend. a lamppost, Et tu. To see a man's true face, look to the photos he hasn't posted. Many come here and pay a few pounds to enjoy an uninterrupted 45 minute viewing of London and the Thames as they wait for their Connex train to finally crawl off Hungerford Bridge. Or: " the title will be provided by the technical wizardry of the multi-pixelated laser display screen. 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes 2 days until dreams become reality. Desperately sad news to hear that Tim Brooke Taylor died today from coronavirus - he was 79. But one practice still makes it a bit of a wall of death. Caberet - wide range of taxis for hire. 50 of Jimmy Carrs funniest jokes and one-liners The show launched in April 1972 as a parody of radio and TV panel games, and has been broadcast ever since on BBC Radio 4 and the BBC World Service. 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes I hate people who think its clever to take drugs like custom officers. Weve always tried to do the show, says Garden, as if there were quite a severe BBC censor still in existence and we were obliged to get in the dirty jokes through innuendo rather than saying the words directly. Even though I was responsible for what I like to describe as "post-feminist irony" (known in the comedy business as "knob gags"), I was sometimes equally amazed by what we asked Humph to try to get away with. Then, Samantha says, she likes to watch as he rips the paper strips and wax off for her", "It just occurred to me that Samantha hasn't given us the scoressince 1981. Fortunately, this changed over the years, with the introduction of regular female guests including Victoria Wood (who had been identified as a future mainstay before she died at 62). Now aged 103, Mr. Hinkler celebrated by repeating the event in October this yearand beat the train by seven and a half hours. You know that whenever musicians hear that Colin's working with us, they're always very keen for news of the old maestro well, sadly, it's failed it's M.O.T. Stephen Frys Countryside joke was first aired on 13 April 2002, not on 4 February 2010; and Lionel Blair didnt host Give Us a Clue, but was a team captain. As BBC Radio 4 agrees not to tone down Im Sorry I Havent a Clue, here are some of the show's smutty Samantha jokes over the past four decades. Before Chairman Humph, panel games had been chaired by nice chaps (and they invariably were chaps) who hoped we'd all enjoy the show as much they were going to enjoy delighting each other with their wit and wisdom. (modern), Humph 'It didn't even occur to him that he was funny. . Hardy rose to prominence in the 1980s, winning the. I then begin to type, inspired by the thought of how the hell I'm going to pay the mortgage. I dont even have car insurance, because Im a careful driver., I read in my local newspaper, they had this advert, Please look after your neighbours in the cold weather, and shall I tell you something about that? 20:57 EDT 23 Sep 2012 Best father of the bride jokes for a wedding speech to remember Thank Goodness he wasn't traveling to Nanking. Yours, Mrs. Trellis. Humph was famous for his delivery of deadpan double entendres on his radio show I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. Bliss. 'We're not your enemies!' Not Humph. Then he pointed up to the circle and said: "I was only joking. I have no clue what you guys are talking about half the time, but I love the enthusiasm. ", "It's well documented in official records that the City's original name was 'Snottingham', or 'Home of Snots', but when the Normans came, they couldn't pronounce the letter 'S', so decreed the town be called 'Nottingham' or the 'Home of Notts'. He would delight in stopping, mid-performance, to announce that when he was supposed to say "genteel", for example, the script said "gentile". In fact, we heard from him earlier, singing 'You put your left leg in, You put your right leg in', and then realised he was reading from the instructions that came with his trousers. After countryside, the second most legendary piece of smut is probably a report of Samanthas visit to a gastropub where she didnt fancy the landlords sausage but said shed really like his tongue in cider. In fact, I don't think anyone ever did complain. Rounds included team members being required to sing Three Blind Mice to the tune of Old Man River; other challenges included improvising rhyming lines. The show is introduced as "The Antidote to Panel Games" and consists of a panel of four comedians, split into two teams and "given silly things to do" by a chairman. 31 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding One of the best to date. He often said that the others on the show were professional comedians, so why would he, a trumpeter, try to compete? BBC Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't Clue scorer Samantha rarely stays until the end of the show. ", "We call the next game Word for Word; it's a word game. Read about our approach to external linking. Producers Paul Mayhew-Archer (1982-86) and Jon Naismith showrunner since 1991 are generally credited with making Clue a super-format by introducing tight scripts that were a trampoline for ad-libs. Actually, listeners may be fascinated to learn that before Christmas, Colin was employed to play the piano for The Stranglers. I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue is a BBC radio comedy panel game. These days, we only really know Colin for his work at the piano, but as a young lad he cut his teeth on the harmonica until his teacher explained that he wasn't supposed to chew it. ", "You join us again at the Everyman Theatre in Cheltenham, where we've attracted a capacity audience of some 700, odd people. One of the series other crucial personnel is Colin Sell the resident pianist since being recruited as a student in 1975. ", "Nottingham is also famous for its links with football, and Notts County is proud to be the oldest team in the English leaguebut they hope soon to buy some younger players. ", "Actually, we're all very excited for Colin, as he's been invited to play at a U-2 gigwhat great reunion dances those German submarine crews have. Eventually we had to call Barrys son to call Barrys wife and tell him to put his headphones back on., Having got through a pandemic, the show may yet survive, in some form, an even greater global catastrophe. Do hope you havent embarked on another career. At the end of one of the last performances, he was handed his trumpet to close the show. Mayhew-Archers view is that we were able to get away with jokes in Clue that other shows couldnt because Graeme and Tim [Brooke-Taylor of The Goodies] and the others were revered. 35 of Blackadders most cunning quips and insults Much play was made of Humph as the "purveyor of blue-chip filth", and he liked that title. It's her first day, so apparently she's going to give a speech in the back room and hand jobs out in the office. There can be no greater compliment to the performance of a script than for the audience to fail to notice there is one. Following the death of Humphrey Lyttelton in 2008, the show used regular guest panellists Stephen Fry, Jack Dee and Rob Brydon as guest presenters for the 51st series, before choosing Jack Dee as the permanent chairman the following series. However, it wasn't until 1993 that she started becoming the butt of increasingly risque jokes. Barry Cryer, Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-taylor, Jack Dee Et Al, As the Honourable Member is perfectly aware, I have nothing to hide, Censors were appalled by Carry On films and wanted to give many X rated certificates, new files reveal, What Sean Connery will do if he doesnt get to church on Sunday, Australian for a Englishman made of stone, Cross between a screw top and a ring pull, How they describe a decade in the West Country, A boat makers first attempt at a coracle, A person who turns into a house at the Full Moon, A setting on Jonathan Rosss washing machine. Clued up Im Sorry I Havent a Clue historic innuendo star Stephen Fry, chair Jack Dee and late-lamented regular Victoria Wood. In this game, the teams imagine what effect certain letters might have had on history, had they not gone missing: Dear Dr Guillotine, We shall be pleased to grant a licence for your automated haircutting device just as soon as youve addressed one or two safety issues weve identified. Yours etc., Mrs. Trellis. For many years it was hosted by the jazz trumpeter Humphrey Lyttleton. 25 of Peter Kays most ingenious jokes and one-liners Garden says: He told Barry Cryer that he loved those jokes; he relished the publicity. He also said he had never been so proud as when fellow jazzman George Melly, probably the filthiest raconteur ever to have scandalised an audience, claimed to be shocked at what Humph was getting away with. Arent they a bunch of bastards, all that finger up the arsehole, all day long. For his first 17 years as producer, says Naismith, he was the only one to hear the show before it went out. Are these jokes too smutty for Radio 4? . Yours sincerely, Mrs. Trellis, Dear Womans Hour: Why waste money on baby-naming books when all the names you need can be found in the telephone directory? But, at 12.52 on a Thursday afternoon, a Radio 4 punchline landed the most taboo word in broadcasting using Clues signature trick of blue-chip filth where the rudeness isnt visible on the script, but is made audible in the delivery. 70. Most comedy performers prefer to have some involvement in the writing process. Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue's funniest definitions to make you smile this Christmas Credit: Shutterstock The tongue-in-cheek take on the English language was introduced on Radio. As to his not being a comedian: that is also untrue. All-night sitting I shouldnt have had those oysters. Jack Dee chairs the 76th series of the show. The five funniest games from I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue Hilarious, embarrassing, and bizarre challenges set by the chairman, Jack Dee. ", "Accompaniment here will be provided by Colin Sell at the piano. Samantha is in charge of polishing, while he scrapes the varnish and wax off next to her. Love your butter., 38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes ISIHAC TOUR Stars In Their Ears Clue regulars Graeme Garden, Barry Cryer, Tim Brooke-Taylor, Jeremy Hardy and esteemed Chairman Humphrey Lyttelton play agame called Stars In Their Ears on the I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue 'best of' theatre tour. I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue has been delighting fans since 1972. Since its inception 'Clue' has seen its success blossom from the impish son of 'I'm Sorry I'll Read That Again' to the big daddy of all panel games. Thanks for that nugget .

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