So arrogant. Huh? Second, I don't vote, because I firmly believe that. Im a loyal American and Im not happy unless I let government and industry poison me a little bit every day. Everybody complains about politicians. And now they're coming for your Social Security money. They say, "oh, we're going for a nature walk. Now, man"You up for the game?" George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. He said "Hi folks, I'm completely full of shit and how do ya like that?" Its no secret that George Carlin was a bit of a political philosopher. ""Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? Have you noticed that there are some people, who when they lose something, their first reaction is that it had to be stolen? Is this the noblest thing that women can think of? 23. Im an acrostic: the whole thing puzzles me. If people stand in a circle long enough, they'll eventually begin to dance. Maybe evenremember them? From a distance so I can see it all. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. Quote by George Carlin: "Forget the politicians. The politicians are He was a true outspoken man that we can emulate in many ways. The low end of the speed spectrum, I grant you, but there are coffee freaks. Dont you just wanna puke in your soup when one of these fat, balding, overweight, overaged, out of shape, middle aged, male movie stars with sunglasses jumps onstage and starts blowing into a harmonica? You know how we got it? So about 80 years after the Constitution is ratified, the slaves are freed. Here's one for the ladies, "Nary-A-Carry"! Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. Dole tried to hide it, didn't he? He's always got his arm out and his leg up. Heres some bumper stickers Id like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesnt need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. We are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters. We have a daughter in public school who hasnt been knocked up yet. We have a son in public school who hasnt shot any of his classmates yet. Carlin got famous for his bit about the "words you can't say on television," but his legacy speaks of so much more, wisdom and wit that deserve to live on through the ages. A proctologist with poor depth perception. You get ready for High School: drink alcohol, party, and you're generally promiscuous. The people are fucked.". You know what they want? The Divine Plan. When's the last chicken you heard about came home from work and beat the shit out of his hen, huh? 101 Marianne Williamson Quotes That Will Enlighten You. Men do it, women do it; can't be all bad if everybody's doin' it. Nobody goes right to work. Then youre just what theyre looking for. If the truck was delivering sugar, he is the victim of an oddly poetic coincidence. Hope these quotes will give you a different perspective on government and how it works. George Carlin Maybe this time it'll work. BAM! It's our differences. Don't you love that phrase? Only once have I lost my cool. Save the planet? Who the fuck is going to invade the US? Say, pardon me? (shoots gun) Im awfully sorry. Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? 22. They just care about having a comfortable place. For instance: a diabetic, on his way to buy insulin, is killed by a runaway truck. You know how you speed up baseball? Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Apparently, were not ready for that! George Carlin, 72. Yeah, the public sucks. Remember when "being up for the game" was kind of a spiritual thing? Were gonna save the fuckin planet? The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, 46. This is the best we can do folks. I dont believe anything the government tells me., Governments dont want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. You have no right to complain. 25. Its only a piece of cloth. George Carlin, 75.The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful of insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Everybody's going to save something now. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, 13. The sanctity of life doesnt seem to apply to cancer cells, does it? The planet is fine. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Nitwits, assholes, fuckups, scumbags, jerkoffs, and dipshits. And if you read the news even badly, you know that every year the list gets shorter and shorter. Something lofty and poetic: "Nay Family Way"; something earthhy and crude: "Mom Bomb"; something for the youngsters, "Junior Miss"; here's a real man's product, "Inconceivable"! Not always. DBS MORNING SHOW & OBITUARIES 25TH APRIL 2023 APRIL 2023 - Facebook Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. If you take five white guys and put 'em with five black guys, and let 'em hang around together for about a month, and at the end of the month, you'll notice that the white guys are walking and talking and standing like the black guys do. It's a subconscious need to project the penis into other people's affairs. An art thief is a man who takes pictures. George Carlin was one of the most well-known and beloved comedians of all time. Any lawyer who refers to the police as the "Federalies." People don't believe that! They must really be bad; they'd have to be outrageous to be separated from a group that large! That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes . Must be another one of those miracles.. You ever watch golf on television? The challenge is to find it. George Carlin, 17. George Carlin. Its interested in its own power. Government is an important institution. The upper class keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. So come on in. It's interested in its own power, THAT'S THE ONLY THING, keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. 87 Best George Carlin Quotes On Education, Politics & Life I say, "Hey, professor! If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. People are fucking nuts. And in 2017, Rolling Stone magazine ranked Carlin second on its list of the 50 Best Stand-Up Comics of All Time, just behind Richard Pryor. George Denis Patrick Carlin was born and raised in Manhattan, New York City, to Mary (Bearey), a secretary, and Patrick John Carlin, an advertising manager for The Sun; they had met while working in marketing. Who stole my collection of used bandages?! Carlin's most famous piece from 2005 explained the state of the US and why the US government isn't there for the people's interests. Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view. You have owners. Its like watching flies fuck! Some people don't want you to say this, some people don't want you to say that. If the parent corporation doesnt want you to know something, it wont be on the news. Well I'll go for a drive, you'll go for a ride. For myself, I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way. But once youre born, youre on your own. The person who drives the car they go for a drive, the other people they go for a ride. He died in 2008, the week after he had been named the recipient of the Mark Twain Prize . Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin, 4. That's generally been true. Enjoy! One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin, 49. Who said so? Instead, what you do is kick him in the nuts. You ever notice that? Some people are really fucking stupid. 'You give us a color, we'll wipe it out. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. And besides telling you things you shouldnt say, religion is gonna suggest some things that you ought to be saying; Heres something you ought to say first thing when you wake up in the morning; heres something you ought to say just before you go to sleep at night; heres something we always say on the third Wednesday in April after the first full moon in spring at 4 oclock when the bells ring. Religion is always suggesting things you ought to be saying. Just for you? Dead. George Carlin Quotes on Religion, Politics, Government & Life - Goalcast Carlin dropped out of high school and was stationed in Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City, Louisiana in 1954 . George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. That's all we've ever had in this country, is a bill of temporary privileges. Because you have the illusion of choice! So at best the sanctity of life is kind of a selective thing. It's nothing. Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. A man in a hospital gown directing traffic. With Nina Feldman. 'Cause chickens are decent people. I think that speaks for itself. People are wonderful one at a time. High-quality, grade-A, prime-cut, pure, American bullshit. It doesnt only represent the good things. He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. You don't have to be a history major or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy theory. ""I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. It's true! 39. The government doesn't care about you, or your children, or your rights, or your welfare or your safety. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. They say rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. That's a good combination! . Name six ways were better than chickens. I love it when it didn't take a, Now, if you think you do have rights, one last assignment for you. My mind doesnt work that way, I got this real moron thing I do, its called thinking and Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions I have certain rules I live by. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, 2. Contents 1 Quotes 1.1 FM & AM (1972) They'd look up in the sky and see "the person in the moon". Irony is "a state of affairs that is the reverse of what was to be expected; a result opposite to and in mockery of the appropriate result." But, when it comes to changing the language, I think they [feminists] make some good points, because we do think in language, and so the quality of our thoughts and ideas could only be as good as the quality of our language. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? But where do people think these politicians come from? So maybe its not the politicians who suck; maybe its something else. "No." Its disgusting, man. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary, it's our way of saying thank you. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, 41. I wish to be BLOWN UP. Is that such a strange notion. Its never just a game when youre winning. George Carlin, 7. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Who wants to get sucked off by a forty-three-year-old clergyman with beard stubble? They say rather than cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. And camcorders: here is technology gone berserk. 49. They own you. The people are fucked! George Carlin, 80. Broadly speaking. Anything differentthat's what they're gonna talk aboutrace, religion, ethnic and national background, jobs, income, education, social status, sexuality, anything they can do to keep us fighting with each other, so that they can keep going to the bank! They're privileges. -George Carlin Leave these fucking people alone for Christs sake. The planet is fine. That's it one swing fuck you, you're out sit down! 1. 31. Quote by George Carlin: "Now, there's one thing you might - Goodreads A group of slave owners who wanted to be free! George Carlin: Jammin' in New York (1992) - Quotes - IMDb They try to divide the rest of the people. Here's some bumper stickers I'd like to see: We are the proud parents of a child whose self esteem is sufficient that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car. Plus he knocked up your daughter. Dont look for it. 15. Pray for anything you want. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the State houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. George Carlin, 63. Best George Carlin Quotes of All Time - LiveAbout Save the planet! Deal with it. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! But once you're born, you're on your own. Then you're just what they're looking for. It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? ' George Carlin, 30. We have the war on crime, the war on cancer, the war on drugs. Fucking is legal. No cash? Your email address will not be published. Think about this: think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, 44. Garbage in, garbage out. Doesn't happen often. Its because volunteers work for no pay. And you know something? Everybody says they suck. You know why? George Carlin - Quotes, Death & 7 Words - Biography George Carlin was one of the most iconic comedians of all time and he had a lot to say about government. 01. They don't care about the planet in theory. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesnt want you to do. It's true. Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. <style>.woocommerce-product-gallery{ opacity: 1 !important; }</style> Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. George Carlin, 34. I know that. Put the blame where it belongs: on the people. I'm big on that. They don't want to hear from you. I hate groups of people but I love individuals. Here is an entire class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion and the Catholics and the Christians are just tossing them aside. Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? And then, the one we always forget, because he was Bashful. I distinguish between maniacs and crazy people; a maniac will beat nine people to death with a steel dildo. They call them the. When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. But even after the egg is fertilized, it's still six or seven days before it reaches the uterus and pregnancy begins, and not every egg makes it that far. Pointless careerism? But I said it with a smile. (. Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. George Carlin, 77. How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelet? "The planet is fine. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity. ""This is a little prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Now Darryl Stingley's son plays football, and if the son should become paralyzed while playing, it will not be ironic. George Carlin quotes and jokes about humanity. ""I don't think we should be governing ourselves. The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. I can't wait for some of these cities to disappear. Where would we be without our safe, familiar, American bullshit? They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street. ", In 2001, the official George Carlin website explicitly stated that the list including all of these lines was not the work of Carlin. Uber is a mobile app that hails cabs for you. It's like watching flies fuck! And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. I wouldn't be surprised if they came up with a birth control pill that doesn't work all the time; they'd call it "Baby Maybe"! So at best the sanctity of life is kind of a selective thing. But a casual fan has no way of knowing, and it bothers me that some people might believe I'd actually be capable of writing some of this stuff. In fact, I regularly pray for serious, life-threatening rodeo injuries. So, basically, what these anti-abortion people are telling us is that any woman who has had more than one period is a serial killer! A pimp who drives a Toyota Corolla. Why isnt selling fucking legal? "Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails." It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. There are no innocent victims. I feel that if I was figuratively dropped on the Earth and there was a political line, I would be just left of center. This country is big-time pig time Change the bald eagle to a big bowl of macaroni and cheese. It's interested in its own power, that's the only thing. Click here, sign up, and get your first ride with Uber for free. Fascism won it. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. The only country that could invade America is America! (154), Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. An airline pilot who has on two different shoes. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. The mayfly lives only one day. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. 3. It's true! 36. "That's a, There are two-way words, like, it's okay for Curt Gowdy to say, "Roberto Clemente has two balls on him!" I can't follow the logic on that one at all! You don't see chickens hanging around in drug gangs, do you? ""Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Sooner or later, the people in this country are gonna realize the government does not give a fuck about them! One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is "libertarian". Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Not a word. They own all the important land. He was also known for his outspoken views on government and politics. Little kids would be afraid of "the boogieperson". Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. Here's what you do: First of all, you don't get all scared and do whatever he tells you.

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