What cinched it for me was my dad who was there with me. Get to know her (over a few visits to the grocery store) and in the process find somethings she's into. I wouldnt have even thought twice about it it honestly never would have occurred to me that it might cause issues for the employee, or that this was a common issue for retail employees to deal with! Im sure there are plenty of wonderful people who have found their partner by asking someone out while they are at work, but Im also sure there are plenty of people who have found partners by asking out their employeesthat doesnt mean the power dynamic isnt there, and that we should generally caution against it as a result. Super cute girl at a gas station I go to a lot. Asking me point-blank if Id like to go on a date with you is going to make me feel really uncomfortable. ask her out. She was probably scared shitless. There's a lot of bickering over culture here: I'm from the Netherlands, female, currently 26 years old. I mean the problem is that it happens way more often than you think. When I worked retail, a man who grabbed me from behind when I was alone in the store and I told him to get his hands off me. A new cashier joined my local food shop. They are paid to be nice and helpful and to show up where youre shopping if they think you might need help. I don't think it'll make her uncomfortable, but there's a finer way still. I have to admit I had NO idea that this was a *thing* with retail employees. I generally agree that it is usually best not to ask people out at work. However, it has happened from time-to-time. Having been on the receiving We go on vacation together, we spend holidays and new years together and so on. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. This way, both of you can learn more about each other while also discovering new places at the same time; an enjoyable experience for everyone involved! It has majorly given way to the You brought me my omelet and now were SOULMATES crowd, orat least in my citypeople not-so-discreetly trying to find prostitutes they used to, uh, frequent (that came out awful, but I dont know how else to put it). I find the other answers very unusual, which illustrates there must be some kind of cultural difference at play. She did fret for quite a bit over whether she was misreading general customer-facing friendliness for flirting, or whether he really was interested in her, but only platonically. her safety and comfort was maintained by having someone she knew and was familiar with approach her discretely. When lindy hopping, it is important to use positive body language and express excitement and enthusiasm. How Old Is Al Haitham Genshin? I've talked to a cashier girl at the grocery store a few times and she has been somewhat flirty a couple times. O_o Yeah, no. Try to see this from her point of view. I was 19 and very naive when a customer a few years older asked me out. would be totally normal and appropriate. The checkout line isn't the place to have real conversations, let alone get your flirt on. How could I have better handled telling this minority woman I liked her cultural hairstyle? And there's the factor that when men are hurt, they sometimes hurt back. maybe?? ), This comment made me chuckle a little because I know that my husband (were he available) would never, ever pick up on this type of hint. This guys comfort level has been a huge concern of mine. Ill text you! and then not do it. Its possible that he is burning with desire for you but would get in serious trouble if he asked you out on a date. Awkwardness all round. Always follow up after the date if you had fun spending time together, even if it was just for one night! Imagine if they asked you out. Ugh. This could go either way! Ask him how his day is going. Put yourself somewhere that she might be out of work. Do your own research to find contact information; dont rely on the phone number printed on the check. Men and women (and women and women, and men and men) have made simple personal connections this way since the beginning of time. I think, for women especially, there is also the matter of fatigue. I still think it could make women feel trapped into flirting back lest they be seen as rude or ungrateful but its better than flat out asking. Usually I prefer directness but this might get awkward if you go there often plus retail employees get hit on a lot. Im going to have to think about this one. I definitely agree with all of the suggestions about keeping casual and low-key and, if he turns you down, continuing to interact with him as though nothing happened. Its her job to make connections with her customers and, you know, be nice. Please have some respect and let me have my JOB as a safe space! However, with a bit of forethought and confidence, you can make it happen in no Oh, my bleeding eyes. Contact the financial institution that the cashiers check was issued from to find out if its valid. I see what youre getting at, but my experience in retail and food service was that everybody doing the latter still thinks theyre doing the former. Eventually he came to pick up his little sister on a day I happened to be out sick. To help us answer, can you edit to give some more detail on the "signs she gave you" which seem promising? Well, hes not at all flirtacious and if he were I doubt that Id take him seriously. 15 years ago when I worked in retail customers asked me out all the time. Always remember that they are a person too, and be sure to treat them with the same respect you would give any other person. Absolutely. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. They dont look for or even care if they get a non-verbal clue she is interested. Just because you would find it flattering doesnt mean the service worker feels the same. Agreed. In most smaller towns and villages the cashier or shopkeeper gets to know the local community through their role as shopkeeper or cashier. Didnt Jen have an awkward flirtation with this barista at a coffee shop? This doesn't require breaking any of these rules, but it requires finesse. Ask her out. Im not sure about women. Im sick of this and I dont have to take it! One reason why you hear more and more complaints from women in retail is precisely because they are empowered, not because, as you seem to be implying, that we are all a bunch of fragile, frigid, special snowflakes who want to criminalize all interactions between men and women. +1000. Google Schrodingers rapist if you want the full scoop. Granted, this could mean nothing, but its impossible for me to know whats going on since the only place that I ever see him is in this store. We started small-talking (weather etc.) Make sure everything is paid for, and walk away immediately after giving her that card. Thats a great approach. Im not sure if this is a good compromise to not passing up an opportunity but also not putting pressure on him at work. Its safer to assume, fairly or not, that they will react poorly and plan accordingly, especially when it could be your job on the linethey could complain about you to the manager or yell at you and even turn out to be a creepy stalker. I agree that the group thing could be a good, low-pressure way to go. Hey, this looks like "try this" solution, could you add why using this technic is good and will work? Eurgh. We made plans to go to a local haunted house together in a couple of weeks, but a conversation in the meantime put the brakes on that. But its still a business interaction. I am a 23 year old man and i want to ask a girl out that works in a clothes shop nearby where i live. Would you feel flattered? I do not so much when it happens to me. Women deal with this sort of stuff all the time at work, in public, going about errands, etc. This was an attractive chick asking about his day, a little more than the usual perfunctory interaction. I understand the situation, and if you really want to know her and you think the signs look good, then I suggest go for it. I suggest you consider With the acknowledgment that some people may say NOT to ask a cashier out at her work, can I get some ideas from you all assuming that I AM going to ask her out. not into you, unless you look very good. I was the only female that worked there, and getting hit on generally happened in two categories. For me, once was an uncomfortable first date, once was a few dates, no more, once was an amazing relationship and one turned into a stalker. Build a relationship first, as one answer notes. I am a fairly attractive, personable guy and have been asked out by several customers over the years, and its never been a problem. Since it's about whimsy, the goal here isn't "yes" - the goal here is "why not?". Another good thought in that direction is include them in a party inviteHey, Im having some people over on Saturdaycome on by.. If the null hypothesis is never really true, is there a point to using a statistical test without a priori power analysis? It beats the risk of getting a What, am I not good/rich/tall/whatever enough for you, you bitch? response. Im sure the OP isnt looking to treat the worker like a piece of meat for their amusement. In my case, it was simple. Part of having agency and being liberated is being able to say, Hell, no! Haha I like that! What differentiates living as mere roommates from living in a marriage-like relationship? Your a cashier right? I got hit on more in 6 or 8 months there than I have in the rest of my life put together. I dont want to be reminded on a regular basis that people are thinking of me in a sexual way while Im working. How can I check the time on my smartphone without looking self-important? Thanks msbadbar, I loved your story, especially about your dad! what are the minimum benefits an employer needs to provide? Just be subtle about it and see where it goes. Therefore, don't ask her when her shift ends, or to meet in the rapey spot at the back of the parking lot, after her shift, when it's all dark and gloomy. I work in a library so I dont have any other environment to compare it to but there are students who do not understand boundaries and do not understand the difference between friendly customer service and flirting. You never know how someones going to handle rejection if you dont know them well (and even sometimes if you do). Gender pay gap remained stable over past 20 years in US | Pew TL;DR: I was 1000% sure this guy liked me, I asked him out and found out he didnt. She could always change her answer or answer in a positive way to give you more information. One creative way to ask out a cashier is through lindy hop dancing. Im a public librarian, married to a patron. Yes, this. Try to engage her when you see her, but just minimally. Now Im wishing I were single, just so I could use Call me, you teapot vending minx as a pickup line! Or, just be a little more obvious about YOUR flirting; hang there beside him just to talk to him, and then watch is body language; is he glad of it, or does he start to get antsy or pull away after a polite interval. It is often used as an expression of joy which can be used to ask someone out in a fun way! Like, just reading the net, its easy to get the impression that a good 80% of men are creepsters. Generally, try not talking to women with the mentality oh my god I have to ask her out at some point. Keep your body language open so that they feel more at ease. I used to work retail and used to get both hit on and asked out a lot. Try to see when she gets out. -signed, every woman who has ever been accused of leading a man on for smiling at him, listening to him, or not appearing immediately repulsed by him. How To Ask Out The Cashier? | Relationship Talk Right, Ive always worked customer service, so I certainly take your point; but I do think its a very blurred line. Hi. I also had people hang around the cash register after I had finished ringing them up try to continue to talk to me. Its awesome. It sounds to me like OP is being very conscientious about the situation. And if she did come back at a later time and ask you for coffee, it would be a very great surprise. A simple "Would you like to continue this conversation after work some time?" I was looking for posts/comments I made and making sure I not did left some hanging, I agree dont do it. It sounds like hes just good at being a retail employee. Nope nope nope never ok. This is why her name is "girl" int this post. Where I grew up (the UK) it is completely normal, typical and acceptable to engage in conversation with shopkeepers. Im not saying that women never have trouble, because of course they do, but every one of the incidents that the men described were situations where all of the women who were in the conversation were basically what the hell were you thinking going somewhere alone with a stranger/letting a stranger get that physically close to you?. I dont want to put her into an awkward position and Im stuck between a note approach (too pussy for a man) and directly asking her out (confidence). Cookie Notice You never know! I worked retail throughout high school and college. Maybe thats what our OP should do. I let them all down gently, the ones who were grossed I told my manager about, and the ones who were polite [key point] were cool with me afterward and there was no awkwardness between us [key point]. You catch feelings after you get to know her, not before. She either says yes or no, and if no you honorably and politely take the rejection. I think people sometimes forget that retail employees are supposed to act like this, but then, a lot of people assume that if a woman is smiling at you, shes obviously interested in you, so. Enough folks in customer-service positions have testified on that thread that they get unwanted solicitations so often that even if you are the nice person who means really well, you might still be a REALLY annoying straw on that camels back. I've never seen you before." I think the best thing to do is go in right before close and mention something like Ive been craving cheese fries from place super nearby I was going to go with my friend but they bailed. I was thinking the same thing. Some were way too persistent. He also rips off an arm to use as a sword. Even if you think this guy might really like you, youre going to have to take it slow. listen to him, and definitely good to go for a free mean with a guy that's not a creeper!! To subscribe to this RSS feed, copy and paste this URL into your RSS reader. He was 20 and I was 32. This is coming from a womans perspective, so take it with a grain of salt. What would think if one of your employees asked out a customer? interviewing with a service dog in my lap, boss thinks Im a stonerbecauseI called out on 4/20, and more, I desperately need breaks between my back-to-back meetings, I manage a gay employee and our company is homophobic, a coworker told me I talk too much, Im still ruminating over a job I didnt take, and more, should I invite my team to my home for dinner, will my company expect me to work with my ex, and more, after I hired someone, a mutual friend told me Id made a huge mistake. Shes always at the checkout and never doing stuff like sorting products or cleaning the floor where I could actually ask her out. It pays If i ever did (which i wont because im too shy, but shes the most beautiful thing ive ever seen) ask her out and she said no, i wouldnt have a problem at all i think women are allowed to decide things by themselves and shouldnt be pressured into saying yes or no. You dont know this person, they dont know you! Ex: "I enjoy that they let you try lots of different wines from all around the world! ?. If theyre interested they will, specifically, ask you. should I wear my wedding ring to an interview, client demands unlimited time, and more. While giving your note you could say: [while receiving your change] "Thanksand oh this is for you You can read it later! So try some small-talk and see where it takes you, but be polite and do not ask for a date up front. Thanks very much for your thoughtful comment. I went to the same drive-thru for YEARS and had a crush on the guy who worked there. I have told him what it is like to be a woman in a customer service environment and he thinks I am exaggerating. My friend once slipped her number to a butcher at a supermarket and they ended up married. Poor, oblivious Husband. was a customer that I wanted to hit on me! Obviously you dont want to be creepily waiting for him by his car or something, but it could give you a chance to ask him out while hes off the clock. Thanks, I agree that being cool about it and reiterating that a refusal is fine is the way to go! I don't believe I do haha. ? pile. Are there any canonical examples of the Prime Directive being broken that aren't shown on screen? I definitely advocate making any sort of social overture carefully and without undue pressure, I just dont know that I can agree with the voices advocating for blanket ban. Keep a close eye on who listens intently to what youre saying, and who just wants to hear themselves talk. with a side of awkward (sorry, I play for team rainbow, but good luck to you). The thing is that you seem to be looking at this as though these two people are meeting as equals, but theyre not. Here, you're just leaving a breadcrumb trail. Well FWIW, I backed off immediately. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Oh wait, I did actually end up in a four year relationship that had been a customer and he ended up being a creep with major control issues, but that could have happened no matter where we had met. I'd advise against going straight to her with your phone number on a piece of paper without having some small talk before. I too worked retail and was both hit on and asked out. I think that is the difference. She has an easy escape: "Back to work, bye". Something like the Pareto Principle is definitely at play here 80% of creepy, inappropriate behavior comes from 20% of the population. I think theres a power differential between the customer and the employee that youre missing here. I was a bartender for many years and the worst thing about my job was the endless flirting and customers asking me out on dates. A lot of managers will take the word of the customer over their employee, so it is not out the realm of possibility to be written up for that complaint. Theres also no way to guarantee itll go smoothly (he could say no, or you could go out and it could be disastrous), so if thats going to keep you from shopping there, youve got to decide which you want more: the possibility of a date with him or the certainty that you can continue comfortably going to that store. Or, to put it more pithily, as this linked post full of citations says in its title, Mythcommunication: Its Not That They Dont Understand, They Just Dont Like The Answer New blog post from our CEO Prashanth: Community is the future of AI, Improving the copy in the close modal and post notices - 2023 edition. I am quite new to relationships, but the signs she gave me are promising. When I was backpacking through europe as a solo woman traveler back at the age of 22, I never had an issue myself, but I encountered, in youth hostels, several men who had been mugged/robbed/etc., including one guy who had actually gone out drinking with locals and woke up the next morning in the hospital to discover that he had been drugged and all of his documentation and money was gone. Never accept a cashiers check thats written for more than the amount you asked for. Connect and share knowledge within a single location that is structured and easy to search. Oh gosh students. Asking her 10 times more won't bring a better result. I may have spent several hours of my life yelling, YES OF COURSE SHE DOES THAT IS HER JOB at my computer. Just be polite. OP, are you sure neither of these things area happening here? You need to determine if hes being friendly because its his job, because hes naturally flirty, or because hes actually interested in you. Having worked retail as a female, being asked out is one of the most annoying things that can happen to a person, it can go as far as making her feel unsafe. Heres my number, no pressure if youre not interested. If you ask her as you are going through the checkout say "hi, how are you doing?" Thats sad. Ugh. Maybe you don't need her number and she can just show up at a place and time. For instance whether she looks at you in the eyes while answering, if her answers are short, if she asks you something as well, etc. The next time the store is slow and he rings you up when youre the only person in line have that piece of paper ready. I would strongly advise you do neither of these things. Hitting on people who depend on you for tips is low. Oh man! AH this reminds me of when I went out to brunch with a friend and she picked the restaurant and as we were walking up to the door she turned to me and said, Well, I cant promise I wont ask out our waiter before the end of the meal! It turns out she was a regular at this place and had a huge thing for a waiter. That is a requirement of the principle of safe -- which also applies to you. A "yes" response would be very cool and and allow you to follow it up with a proposition like, "sometime this week at x coffee shop, is there a good time?". I mean there are always like 5 people before and after me, and I think it would be awkward if we are changing numbers while customers are waiting behind us. It was somewhat flattering with compliments but also uncomfortable if they couldnt accept my response. Cookie Notice So if you do this, and he says anything thats not an enthusiastic yes, please reconsider shopping there again. - This subreddit is **gender neutral**. (And even then it might simply have been bad timing: he got in a car accident, etc)(or, sadly, he may already have a GF). I liked the slip him your number idea that way youre not publicly making it awkward for him, and youre putting the ball in his court. Pick up something and buy it..from her lane. Asking her out directly seems like a bad idea. Instead, in these situations, I've found something that works much better for both of you. During yo I guess the sexy librarian thing does not help in that respect either :(((. If she perks up and looks interested, you can respond with something like. To restart a mission in Red Dead Redemption 2, you must first locate. Each party is still evaluating the other.). Or care. Its not flattering, it makes me cringe. Thats how its been done forfreakingever. OP here, thanks for sharing your sweet, funny story. I was a good 10 years older than him AND he knew I was engaged because after the first incident I made sure to mention it. There's no freedom of motion for her. :). The whole thing was awkward (dude who are you and why are you asking me out after literally 1 minute of interaction?) Well, the tricky thing about asking out someone in a customer service position is that their job requires them to be nice to you. Surely there is someone out there like me, who is genuine and can take a no.? With this knowledge in mind, she's common-senseley (making up words!)

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